Tuesday, November 30, 2010
My friend and I started an online magazine to fulfill her wish to be in the front cover of a magazine! :)
While she contributed a large part of the content of the magazine (as you can see), I decided to publish the first chapter of a book that I am writing about marginalised communities - and getting their voice heard. So far, I have finished 12 chapters, which means I have spoken to 12 people. Gosh, I am so proud of myself for having that done in 12 weeks :). Hitherto, editing of the chapters have not been as smooth as expected. For one, after 12 weeks of intense and rushing (not in a bad way) writing to keep to my dateline, I found that after I didn't even want to look at my writing. Rase macam muak like that ....bleghhhh ... haha...
But now, now I am ready and all revved up. I would need to talk to some of the interviewees again to tie up some lose ends. Thereafter, some guts and glory are needed to submit my writings to an editor for feedback and comments. From my (amateur) experience of working as a writer, THIS is by far the most anxious, nerve-wrecking process of it all. This is when my writing is open and vulnerable to all comments and critics. You must be a toughie to survive in this field. eceh ....
On the other hand, I am also excited to continue this e-zine of ours. I already have plans of talking to some local bands, painters and celebrities as to align with the title of the magazine ... to spark *Inspiration*. Wish me luck ! :)
Thursday, November 25, 2010
This book I'm reading, I know I've seen it somewhere. It was on my mind the whole of last week, thinking 'Where did I see this?" . And then it came to me.. Aha ! Alas, after a few clicks, I remembered. It was here!
After reading Fatma's review, am more excited to finish this. Who knows, I might finish this earlier than I usually do just so I could jot down my thoughts of this book and compare it with her's? We shall see.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
I'm an avid reader of his blog and I simply love how 'normal' his entries are. You see, with him being the 'rock star' equivalent for writers in the literature world, I imagined that his posts would be super-intelligent and deep (not like the current ones are not super-intelligent or deep, but I believe you get what I mean, right?).
So when he posted about a small project being made based on one of his book, I thought I'd give a hand:
By the way, I feel this urge to purchase another book of his for my next read. But alas,that shall have to wait as there are too many books waiting at home to be read. :)
Friday, November 19, 2010
Also, at one point in the book, I can't help but feel how much the paragraph below resonates in our current political scene / life. The last sentence, especially, really hit me.
... Other people pushed and prodded around us, trying to get nearer to the front, stepping over people's blankets and bags to get there. Something about all the movement and the closeness of it started to make me nervous. It was, I guess, another remnant from the Reign of Fear, when crowds were made to seem like dangerous things, vulnerable to the actions of a single person with a weapon and a willingness to use it. If isolation meant safety, then this was a high, high, risk. We'd been taught to never trust strangers. ...
Overall, it was a light read - just exactly what I was looking for. I think I might just be in to the 'young adult' literature scene for a while simply because of its simplicity.
Thumbs up for David Levithan!
Thursday, October 28, 2010
The Dabbler approaches each new sport, career opportunity, or relationships with enormous enthusiasm. He or she loves the rituals involved in getting started, the spiffy equipment, the lingo, the shine of newness.
When he makes his first squirt of progress in a new sport for example, the Dabbler is overjoyed. He demonstrates his form to family, friends, and people he meets on the street. He can't wait for the next lesson. The fall off from his first peak comes as a shock. The plateau that follows is unacceptable if not incomprehensible. His enthusiasm quickly wanes. He starts missing lessons. His mind fills up with rationalizations. This really isn't the right sport for him. It's too competitive, noncompetitive, aggressive, boring, dangerous, whatever. He tells everyone that it just doesn't fulfill his unique needs. Starting another sport gives the Dabbler a chance to replay the scenario of starting up. Maybe he'll make it to the second plateau this time, maybe not. Then it's on to something else.
The same thing applies to a career. The Dabbler loves new jobs, new offices, new colleagues. He sees opportunities at every turn. He salivates over projected earnings. He delights in signs of progress, each of which reports to his family and friends. uh oh, there's that plateau again. Maybe this job isn't right for him after all. It's time to start looking around. The Dabbler has a long resume.
In love relationships (perhaps an unexpected place to look for the signs of mastery, but a good one), the Dabbler specializes in honeymoons. He revels in seduction and surrender, the telling of life stories, the display of love's tricks and trappings: the ego on parade. Then the initial ardor starts to cool, he starts looking around. To stay on the path of mastery would mean changing himself. How much easier it is to jump into another bed and start the process all over again. The Dabbler might think of himself as an adventurer, a connoisseur of novelty, but he's probably closer to being what Carl Jung calls the puer aeternus, the eternal kid. Though partners change, he or she stays just the same.
- Mastery, George Leonard
* This book I am reading is homework for a retreat am going for this weekend. Interesting read I must say but more than anything else, I'm just looking forward to playing the Samurai game !
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
- Spontaneously bought tickets for the musical 'We Will Rock You' based on Queen's musical. Loved, loved, loved it !
- Took a stroll down Portobello Road's flea market and swam in the sea of trinkets, antiquities and old books (sigh). Thereafter, shared a hot steaming Chicken Paella (rice cooked in tomato, chicken broth and seasonings - a popular Spanish dish) with my hot London guide... :)
- Visited the National Art Gallery and basked in rooms full of beautiful paintings. The one thing that came across my mind was how intricate some of the paintings were and how much time spent and above all preseverence these painters had for their passion. Amazing lah, simply said.
- The National Library. Sighhhhhhhh. They were displaying original manuscripts by great writers and musicians like Jane Austen, Mozart, Handell etc. etc. My favourite has to be Jane Austen's writing desk that was recently donated by her great-great-great-grand niece. There was also a whole stretch of Lewis Carrol's work on Alice's Adventure Underground (i.e. Alice's Adventure in Wonderland). Having just recently finished reading his book, I was of course thrilled to read about the history and making of this amusing story about a young girl and her somewhat of-the-wall adventure in where else but Wonderland! As I was slowly scrolling and scrutinising the pages of the original manuscript and the diary of the author, an older middle-aged gentleman, standing next to me, suddenly whispered, "Read this page here -- it was when he decided to publish the story. I've never seen this before. It's just fantastic!". He smiled excitingly and walked away. Oh, I just loved how the energy at that moment just completely shifted - even if it was only for a brief period of time.
To my hot and sexy guide, I heart you even more!
Monday, July 12, 2010
I choose to be a dreamer
above all, to care for myself
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
I’ve watched every episode of every season (only God knows how many times) and know all four characters like my life depended on them! Haha, I know it sounds a bit exaggerated but I swear that its true..
Though still in bed, my thoughts go out to you, my Immortal Beloved, now and then joyfully, then sadly, waiting to learn whether or not fate will hear us -
I can live only wholly with you or not at all -
Yes, I am resolved to wander so long away from you until I can fly to your arms and say that I am really at home with you, and can send my soul enwrapped in you into the land of spirits -
Yes, unhappily it must be so -
You will be the more contained since you know my fidelity to you. No one else can ever possess my heart - never - never -
Oh God, why must one be parted from one whom one so loves.
And yet my life in V is now a wretched life -
Your love makes me at once the happiest and the unhappiest of men -
At my age I need a steady, quiet life - can that be so in our connection?
My angel, I have just been told that the mailcoach goes every day - therefore I must close at once so that you may receive the letter at once -
Be calm, only by a calm consideration of our existence can we achieve our purpose to live together -
Be calm - love me - today - yesterday - what tearful longings for you - you - you - my life - my all - farewell.
Oh continue to love me - never misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved.
Friday, June 25, 2010
- Awas, KRU (teringat zaman melepak kat sekolah lepas UPSR dulu)
- Apa saja untukmu, KRU (best love song ever! syok habis...)
- Janji Tinggal Janji, KRU
- Most of KRU's ballads actually.. tee hee hee.
- All Backstreet Boys songs. Actually, not all. Only the earlier ones, circa 1995-1997. Sigh, teringat zaman sekolah dulu melalak lagu BSB dalam dorm. Paling tak boleh blah sekali, buat BSB-inspired opening gambit and deco for Talentime! Masa ni walaupun I bukan dalam Kelab Seni (I Kelab Matematik tuuu) tapi sebab best friend I masa tu deputy president of the club so I boleh la menyibuk nak jadi committee jugak kan. Lol, that was good fun, indeed.
Err, anyone remember 911?
- Britney Spears. (Shut up la)
- Kanye West. But only his upbeat songs which I listen to when I workout. Walaupun I banyak kutuk dia ni dgn my best friend. He's a gayfish, what do you expect?
A lot of hip hop songs especially by Eminem, 50 cent, Lil' Jon etc, etc. But these are also only because I need music to pump me up when I'm running on the threadmill. (Nak cover jugak tu...)
Rocky Balboa: The Best of Rocky Soundtrack!
- Avril Lavigne. Best lah melalak to her pseudo-angry songs while driving back home from work.
Siti Nur Haliza! Perfect for relaxing okay because I usually put my brain aside and layan je her voice. ;)
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Tapi yg paling sakit hati skali dengar....
As I was laying and relaxing on the bench, enter two mid-twenties girls.
Contrary to popular belief, the sauna is not going to help you burn fat, nor is it a place where you talk about your marriage life (or the lack of)! It is in fact, largely used for relaxation and therapy for your body, especially after a hard day's work or a vigorous work out at the gym. As such, conversations like in Scene 3 is highly unappreciated by patrons like yours truly. Hmmmpph!
Monday, June 21, 2010
We made two batches of these and this (above pic) is the second one. The first batch turned out pale and the top not as shiny and crispy as the second one (above pic). We figured out that I underestimated the amount of chocolate used because the measurement was in ounce (oz) and I gladly converted it to kg in my mind (tu la pandai sangat). Plus, we used cheap chocolate at first (Coklat brand K*jang..hehe). Oh, the horror, the horror!
It is true what Nigella Lawson proclaims (and I'm paraphrasing here), " .....you must never compromise on chocolate. When it comes to sweets and desserts, use only the best!...". Oh, how true.
Hence, with that in mind, Rini whipped out a bar of Vanh*uten cooking chocolate plus an extra bag of Vanh*uten Chocolate Chips and we went to work, yet again, to create the ULTIMATE BROWNIES.
(above pic) are the pale brownies from the first batch. I think it also had something to do with the way we mixed and beat the eggs. But, fret no more, as we learned the second time not to compromise on chocolate and to pay close attention to the mix (sebab borak je kerja kan) ..... and voila... !
crispy, shiny-brownie-top and dense, fudge center chocolate brownies.....d'lish ..... ;p
So, lesson learned for today is ....if the Domestic Goddess says not to compromise on chocolate, you DON'T COMPROMISE ON CHOCOLATE!
Friday, June 18, 2010
One time I was driving back home from a hectic day at work. As I reached the first toll, I remembered that my SMART TAG device's batteries were running low and contemplated entering the Touch N Go lane instead. As I was really tired from the day's work, I really wasn't in the mood to stop, wind down the window, tap the card, wind up the window and then drive away. Yes, I was THAT tired.
So in a matter of a split second I made the decision to brave through the SMART TAG lane and hoped that my device was still working. But just as luck had it, the barrier did not lift up. "Shit", I thought, "don't tell me the batteries are dead". But that shouldn't be the case because my Smart Tag device was blinking, signaling that the batteries were still usable. I started to drive back and forth and back and forth, thinking that the sensor did not capture my device (all the while holding the device high in the air, out the window, above my car). I sighed a breath of relief when I saw one of the staff walking towards my car as I thought he should be able to help. As he approached my car, he smiled and said to me, " Kak, ni lane 'Touch N Go' .....bukan 'SMART TAG'". Suffice to say my face went completely red as I tapped the card on the machine and drove away as fast as I could.
It didn't help that when I told my boyfriend about the incident, he laughed and jokingly said, "Mak aih, dumb blonde nye you!". Siot btul!
Have you had any of these moments? .... C'mon now ;)
Thursday, June 17, 2010
- Through The Looking-Glass, Alice's Adventure in Wonderland
Ehem, please excuse the previous post. Don't mind me, it's the pms.
On another (more depressing) note, it is so frustrating to think about my gym efforts. It seems as though my efforts are in vain as my number is not budging at all ! WTF WTF WTF
According to Fran Dreshcer (The Nanny, if it doesn't ring a bell), WTF stands for We The Future.
I need some time alone and really can't wait for my trip to Kinabalu next month. Away from people, away from technology, I am planning to hide myself away in a secluded island/beach and not think about anything for a whole week. Let's pray that that will work out. Or else... WTF WTF WTF.
Happy, happy, ha - ha - ha - ha - happy ... hee hee hee.
Got me remembering a quote from a Tarantino movie:
And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers! And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee!"
Tak de kena mengena sebenarnya, but oh well, such is my (incoherent) writing.
Monday, June 14, 2010
Next, I went to visit another good friend (from school) who just gave birth to a gorgeous handsome baby boy. It was so surreal to hold him in my arms. Yayee, your baby boy is gonna break so many girls' hearts hehehe
Thereafter, rushed to a get-together hosted by another school mate at her apartment to also visit her now-4-month-old beautiful baby girl. This one is another cutie and will surely get heads turning once she grows older. :) The get-together had a potluck theme to it hence we were all required to bring food or drinks for everyone to enjoy. With me being broke and all, I rummaged through the contents of my fridge, the night before, looking for whatever I can use to cook up a (storm, chewah!) decent spread. And, voila (!!) this is the result:
I call it baked chicken à la cincai kitchen goddess (because the ingredients were cincai and the latter is what I'd like to think of myself! aiseh, a girl can dream, can't she? =) )
By the way, you see that burnt gravy-like layer under the pieces of chicken? Thats caramelised honey...nyummm.. (hint hint for ingredient).
P/s: I think it turned out ok as only 2 pieces were left when we finished and by the time I got home, it just vanished into thin air (must've been my brother and the lil' ones)
I found them!
My collection of 16-word stories that I wrote when I entered the 'Short Short Story' competition (organised by DIGI back in 2007). You see, I thought I lost them when my hard disk crashed. Until I went through some old email in my sent folder and found ALL of them.
I am happiness central right now and shall be going through each and every one of them in a short while. Will see if they are up to standard to be published on this blog (or not) =D
By the way, one of my story was chosen as the favourite of a writer in New Straits Times when she wrote a feature article on the competition! I was so proud and all hyped up but unfortunately, I wasn't listed when they announced the six winners (who won a trip to the Ubud Writers & Readers Festival in Bali!)
Nevertheless, if I had a chance to this again, I would soooo do it, again. Of all the writings of writings, there is nothing more that I enjoy than writing (and reading) short stories. Whether they're good or not is a totally different story lah.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Considering this wasn't our first time, I wasn't really expecting to make that MUCH money anyway, but I didn't also expect the crowd to be really sloooowww. The last time we opened a booth at Subang Sky Park, the crowd was much more exciting and more importantly with higher buying power! Nevertheless, I still managed to pocket some money to ease my financial constraints for this month.
This time was also the first for me to regret parting with one of my precious items. I want my little pink sling bag back!!!!!!
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
The French Art and Film Festival is gonna be in town starting tomorrow. I'm planning to watch four of the shows from the festival:
Performance by French Indie Singer, Amelie at KLPac, 18 May 2010, 8.30 pm. Améllie is a promising eclectic French singer whose influences extend from electronic music to folk....espite being a solo artist, Améllie has created her own small orchestra. She accompanies her lyrics with exotic instruments: ukulele, balafon, little harp and guitar.
Trio Con Fuoco at the Dewan Filharmonik Petronas, 20 May 2010, 8.30 pm. The Trio con Fuoco [Sullimann Altmayer (violin), Gauthier Herrmann (cello) and Romain Descharmes (piano)] was born out of the meeting of three young artists sharing the same passion for chamber music, in 1998. They rapidly came to prominence in the musical landscape as chamber musicians of the new generation. They will perform:
Cesar Franck: Sonata for violin and piano
Gabriel Faure: Trio in D minor opus 120
Johannes Brahms: Trio n°1 in B major opus
MOURON, Hymnes L'amour, a tribute to French Love songs at Panggung Bandaraya Kuala Lumpur, 23 May 2010, 8.30 pm. Influenced by the likes of Edith Piaf and Jacques Brel, Mouron is known as the “Diva of Chanson”. Hymnes a l’Amour” will showcase the most beautiful and famous French love songs.
Mondovino, a documentary on the magical transformation of grapes into wine at NeroFico, Wisma Perintis, 25 May 2010, 8.00 pm.
Love love love :)
Monday, May 10, 2010
Thursday, April 29, 2010
3. Rearrange my clothes in the closet
9. Clear all my assignments from work!
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
2. send car for repair and oil change
3. Rearrange my clothes in the closet
4. Arrange books on shelves according to height
5. Arrange stacks of DVD
6. Arrange handbags
7. Arrange shoes
8. Find a place to arrange all the above (this should be number 1)
9. Clear all my assignments from work!
10. Do all of the above with a positive outlook whilst NOT thinking about other problems.
Woo saaaaaaah. Insya Allah, this can be done. Amin
Sent via BlackBerry from Maxis
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Ok, ok so here are the books that almost made it on to my new shelves at home :
- Gabriel Garcia Marquez's Love In The Time of Cholera
- Roald Dahl's Going Solo
- Leo Tolstoy's Anna Karenina
- (I can't remember this one)
- Khaled Hosseini's A Thousand Splendid Suns
But as I mentioned, I managed to suck it all in and remind myself that UNTIL I finish the books I am currently reading at home (or work, what-have-you), I would NOT buy anymore books. Hmmphh, I'm so proud of myself.
Incidentally, if you have books that you no longer want, do drop them at Kinokuniya so they can pass it on for others to read (and share your wonderful experience!). This is being done in collaboration with UNICEF. Hooray to reading!
Ok this is to test blogging from my blackberry. So yeah this entry is posted via my blackberry. :D
Sent via BlackBerry from Maxis
Friday, April 16, 2010
Just try staying in a village hut
Try counting the stars through the cracks in the roof
Ignore cell phone rings
Enjoy rattling of carts
Try walking barefoot, caressing the soil
We shall turn into kids
-Sivaji the Boss, 2007
Thursday, April 15, 2010
- Walking along the beach with the waves touching at my feet.
- The smell of old books. Sigh.
- The drive to work each morning with the music turned on full blast.
- My loverlilies!
- The view of KL while driving along the Ampang-KL Elevated Highway. Oh-so-romantic.
- MY FAMILY
- Woody Allen's Annie Hall. Most romantic movie. Ever.
- The sound of laughter from a shared joke. :)
- Daily conversations with my best friend.
- Laying on the floor of my backyard staring at the fish in the pond. (Sometimes with nephew next to me)
- Luxuriating in the music of Mozart's Clarinet Concerto.
- Listening to my nephew sing along to the rock songs while we play Guitar Hero. Comel giler.
- My niece's non-stop hugs and kisses each time we meet.
- My eldest nephew whenever he breaks out into a Star Wars theme song whilst staring at me. Lagi satu comel giler ni.
- My fat cat, Dol.
- Walking barefooted on a grassy patch.
- Sunrises and sunsets.
- Sitting at the balcony of my best friend's apartment and staring into the woods. Gonna miss that place too much.
- Complete silence.
- Lunch hour in the office.(see no. 20)
- My darling Hazrin and his willingness to fight despite being physically-impaired. Remember, they are only DISabled because society and the (unfriendly) infrastructure make them that way.
- Old French songs.
- Staring at the stars.
- Life as it is!
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
- Concentrating on a new project at work trying to turn the CSR and CR policy 180 degrees. I've always believed that if you want to do good work, make sure you do it RIGHT.
- Grandma is not well :( She's suffering from Alzheimer's and had an upset stomach all day yesterday.
- On the other hand, have also been blessed with occasional brief periods of fun, laughters and smiles. Awwwwww : ))))
- Have lost some weight! weee hoo. My personal trainer must be really proud! but must not ruin this by indulging in my cravings since its 'that time of the month'. ehem.
- In the process of clearing and cleaning my room of all my junks and trash. Wow, can't believe how much stuff I have! Have also put up two new shelves for my (ever-growing) collection of books. I love to see my books arranged so nicely next to each other in random orders. .......Murukami next to Plato next to Dostoyevsky next to Freud next to Jane Austen next to Roald Dahl....! Those are my new favourite things to stare at when I go to bed.
- Silently praying that occasional brief periods of fun, laughters and smiles do not go away and stay around forever. :)
- Started my German class all over again so as to not waste all those German textbooks and workbooks. Can now write and talk about my family and have a simple 'how are you?" and "what is your name?" conversations.
- Ich bin glücklich ! :D
- Will start to appreciate the people around me more especially Meine Familie (my family).
- Has an intense urge to watch ALL Woody Allen movies in one go!
- Is attending a Myanmarese Wedding this Sunday. Going back to my roots, yo.
- Miss my father so much. :_(
- Love my life as it is :)
Friday, April 9, 2010
Argh. This was my desk in 2006 when I was working as a journalist for a mainstream newspaper. I am looking around at my current desk now and nothing much has changed. HAHA. Well, at least my mess is more 'organised' now as they are cluttered at one corner of my desk awaiting the day I would rummage through them to find 'that important document' that I have misplaced. On second thought, I think I'll do some spring cleaning next Tuesday. It would help a lot to get things clear in my life right now. Aye aye !
Thursday, April 8, 2010
P/S: If you can't understand the subject, well I really can't help you in that department. Woody Allen doesn't believe in looking down at his audience when it comes to his art. He EXPECTS you to already know about the subject as much as he does.
HAVE FUN! :D
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
You see, deep down I know I'm somewhat of a responsible person la so vaguely remembered backing up my photos on flickr. To find out, I googled for my old fotopages account and true enough, I had stored some of my photos on it ! Oh, how wonderful it felt to see all the photos especially of my loverlilies (thats what I call my nephews and niece hehe). My life is just so much better after looking at those photos reminding me of the loves of my life and how much I miss them right now. Take a look at some of the photos and you'll see why they're the most precious important little ponies and bears in my life ! ;)
Below: Aksi gila !
Somehow we developed this trademark of taking our photo of trying to touch the camera's lens. It's something we all cherish because only Khaleef, Aqiff, Sheena and Aunty Nana do this crazy pose ! (unfortunately we had a whole series of this trademark and it all went away when my external HD crashed :(( )
I have a book published under my name. It is funny, witty and most importantly touches the heart of most people. I am working on writing on another book that revolves around my other passion, that is to help marginalised communities. I am focusing a large part of my time on helping and advocating the rights of marginalised communities. I am committed to making a change and difference in the world for the better.
Also, I am in a loving, caring and open relationship with my family members especially my mom. I live in a cosy house filled with books and my guitar and clarinet which fills the house with great music. I have an amazing kitchen, fully-equipped for me to cook and bake for the people that I love and care - my family and friends. Not to forget, I am in a loving, caring, trustful, truthful, honest relationship with a great guy who is in turn loving, caring, trustful, truthful and honest to me and more importantly, to my family. He is my backbone, as I am to him. We support each other to fulfill our passions and dreams. He lets me be the person that I really am - full of love and care but at times, a control freak (but for the best intentions!). He lets me be myself when I am with him. And I am committed to give back all that he has given to me.
Insya Allah, all this will happen in good time. Amin.
Big hugs to all the people around the world ! :)
Monday, April 5, 2010
Monday, March 29, 2010
So what happened? Well, I prefer to keep this to myself. But whatever it is, it shall serve as a lesson for me to not over analyse, over think and over (re)act.
Having said this, I have to admit that I wished that things would have been different. Sometimes I wish that I wasn't too smart or too knowledgeable or too resourceful! But then again, being all that is what made me where and who I am today.
So Ladies & Gentlemen, that was THE END. Wish me luck the next time! ;)
Monday, March 22, 2010
Dory: Hey there, Mr. Grumpy Gills. When life gets you down do you wanna know what you've gotta do?
Marlin: No, I don't wanna know.
Dory: [singing] Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming. What do we do? We swim, swim.
Marlin: Dory, no singing.
Dory: [continuing] Ha, ha, ha, ha, ho. I love to swim. When you want to swim you want to swim.
Marlin: Now I'm stuck with that song... Now it's in my head.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Its baking season again!
I know, I'm NOT the greatest artist in the world but gimme a break k? I was labeled 'Picasso' when I was in school and believe me that it WASN'T a compliment. Jahat kawan2 I tau, lol. Those were the days, sigh.